Eminem leaves retirement home to record new album

Eminem, 45 years old, (which in rapper years is the equivalent of 185), released his new album titled “Kamikaze” today. I haven’t listened to it, because I only listen to good music, but I understand that he keeps ranting about Donald Trump (aka stuff that everybody talks about anyways) and the Xanax rappers (aka stuff that nobody really cares anyway).

We asked Eminem to tell us a bit about the new album.

“Look, said Mr. Mathers, I didn’t even wanna do this. I was just chillin’ in my retirement home in Del Boca Vista watching TV and playing Bingo when the phone rang. It was the suits from the record label and they were like “you know how your fanbase is mainly white trash/trailer park/wife beating rednecks? And you know how that’s exactly the demographic that voted for Trump? Yeah, could you do an album in which you diss Trump, so we can distance ourselves from him? It really hurts our record sales”.

And I was like “Yo, didn’t I already do this on my last album, Revival?” And they were like “D-d-d-id we stutter? When we say jump, you say how high”.

So I put on my baggy pants, went to the record studio and recorded Kamikaze. I can’t really tell you much about the album, I don’t remember anything. Did I mention I’m a 45 year old rapper?

We left Mr. Mathers when he began ranting about “those pesky mumble rapper kids” and asking us if we have, quote, “Britney Spears nudes”.

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